you turned out to be THE BEST THING I NEVER HAD.

Actually i am still trying to figure out the meaning of THE BEST THING I NEVER HAD.

sometimes when i translate it to malay sentence then it become "perkara terbaik yang tak pernah saya dapat"

but then i remember, the right sentence is that THE BEST THING I EVER HAD which meant "perkara terbaik yang pernah saya dapat"

after i asked my friends then they tell me the real meaning of that sentence which is its better that i do not end up with him. and i was like ohhhhh what a good word though.

what happened last night was kinda make me still in the state of shock anyway. i did not plan to check on his engagement day but i did. before i search for the pictures i was thinking maybe i am gonna end up crying but suprisingly i did not.

you know my heart does not made from stone, i do have the frustrated feeling when i look at the pictures. i was frustrated because he dumped me because for someone like her. for real her? eww is all i can say. i am not gonna brag about anything but it just make me realize that i am someone which much more better than her and him. i am much much much much better than both of them. i got the brain people. THE BRAIN!. hah!\

majlis tunang dia pun tak de lah nak kata gempak pun sebab nampak SANGAT SANGAT AMAT simple.
yang nampak sangat pun macam sangat cincai and very rushing. hantaran lelaki cuma 5 and perempuan cuma 7. itu pun benda-benda yang boleh dia beli kat GIANT. macam kelakar jugak la. sebab it just too too simple for me. i mean hey bertunang kot, tak kan nak buat paling simple. the pre-wedding for your first time in your life takkan nak mcmtu je? bodoh gila? if its gonna be my engagement, of course i do want to be grand as my wedding. i am not gonna buy stuff only at GIANT. hey we got standard okay?

compare to me, i am much better pun from her. swear to GOD she was a disaster. wearing scarf is not an excuse. i can wear scarf too but its not my time yet. and when i wear scarf, i look MUCH better than her. the thing that pissed me off is that he dumped me for someone like her? what did she do to get your attention man? you guys just know each other for few months? and i must say to your fiancee that she is SO brave to get engaged with someone who she did not know the real him? what an ass anyway. like i said for someone like her to get someone like him was heaven. he got the looks and of course your friends will be jealous but compared to my friends, they wont. they feel disgusted looking at him. sorry to say you and your friends are not my standard. not even close.

my previous ex before him well i must i was threatened by his wedding with his wife because i know she is much better than me. that i was upset but this time? nahh not at all. i dont feel the threat anyway. seriously i say to myself  "that's it?" i mean seriously the engagement was like huh? GOD what happened to men nowadays? dont they have the standard? ewww. maybe la kan untuk perempuan kampung macam tu, everything is perfect and enough but not for my standard la weh!

this title was belong to Beyonce's song - Best thing i never had. here is the lyric

 What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)

There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good lookin' out

[Chorus]
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now

So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
Baby good lookin' out

[Chorus]
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
I said, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'll never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby I bet sucks to be you right now

I know you want me back
It's time to face the facts
That I'm the one that's got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye

[Chorus]
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I will always be the, best thing you never had.
Best thing you never had!

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh I will never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right now

Goes around, comes back around
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now

the video clip showed that beyonce finally found good in goodbye. she end up to be married to someone which are WAY better than her previous relationship.

i really wish that what happened in the video will happen to me. i know i will get someone better than him and that rises my strength to move on with my life as he does not deserve me. i do not want to end up with person like my ex. eww. 

it sucks to be you MUHAMAAD ZAM ZAHUREN BIN IBRAHIM.

you turned out to be the best thing i never had. =)

a song that suits my heart .

 Aku terluka

Ku sangka tak mungkin terjadi sekali lagi
Dulu kau kata
Tak mungkin aku kan kecewa
Hatiku akan kau jaga

Pernah ku sangka
Inilah cinta yang terindah dalam sejarah
Apakan daya aku yang menanti pelangi
Mengharap engkau yang pasti

Dan aku menangis lagi
Kecewa untuk kesekian kalinya
Dan kisah cinta luar biasa
Habis seorang untuk semua
Kejam dirimu
Kejam dirimu

Aku kecewa pedih
Tak mungkin dapat kau faham sakitnya
Kata-katamu lah punca segala
Cinta kita kau persenda
Pergi kau pergi
Tinggalkan aku menangis lagi

Apakan daya
Aku si bodoh yang percaya kata-katamu
Puas di depan mata
Mungkin engkau lah pendusta
Bagimu hatiku tiada makna

Aku menangis lagi
Kecewa untuk kesekian kalinya
Dan kisah cinta luar biasa
Habis sorang untuk semua
Apa lagi perlu ku rasa
Aku terlupa

Aku kecewa abadinya
Tak mungkin dapat kau faham sakitnya
Kata-katamu lah punca segala
Cinta kita kau persendakan
Pergi kau pergi
Tinggalkan aku
Biarlah aku sendiri

Luka aku terus meratapi
Luka-luka kecewa
Dan aku tahu ku tahu
Dalam hatiku takkan bisa merubah segala-gala

Aku menangis
Aku kecewa lagi untuk kesekian kalinya
Dan cinta yang luar biasa
Habis sorang untuk semua
Apalagi perlu ku rasa

Aku terluka, aku kecewa
Tak mungkin kau kan faham sakitnya
Kerna kau lah punca segala
Cinta suci kau persia
Apa lagi tinggalkan aku
Biar aku menangis lagi

John donne
1) Song
SWEETEST love, I do not go,
    For weariness of thee,
Nor in hope the world can show
    A fitter love for me ;
        But since that I
At the last must part, 'tis best,
Thus to use myself in jest
    By feigned deaths to die.

Yesternight the sun went hence,
    And yet is here to-day ;
He hath no desire nor sense,
    Nor half so short a way ;
        Then fear not me,
But believe that I shall make
Speedier journeys, since I take
    More wings and spurs than he.

O how feeble is man's power,
    That if good fortune fall,
Cannot add another hour,
    Nor a lost hour recall ;
        But come bad chance,
And we join to it our strength,
And we teach it art and length,
    Itself o'er us to advance.

When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind,
    But sigh'st my soul away ;
When thou weep'st, unkindly kind,
    My life's blood doth decay.
        It cannot be
That thou lovest me as thou say'st,
If in thine my life thou waste,
    That art the best of me.

Let not thy divining heart
    Forethink me any ill ;
Destiny may take thy part,
    And may thy fears fulfil.
        But think that we
Are but turn'd aside to sleep.
They who one another keep
    Alive, ne'er parted be.


2) Woman's Constancy
NOW thou hast loved me one whole day,
To-morrow when thou leavest, what wilt thou say ?
Wilt thou then antedate some new-made vow ?
            Or say that now
We are not just those persons which we were ?
Or that oaths made in reverential fear
Of Love, and his wrath, any may forswear ?
Or, as true deaths true marriages untie,
So lovers' contracts, images of those,
Bind but till sleep, death's image, them unloose ?
            Or, your own end to justify,
For having purposed change and falsehood, you
Can have no way but falsehood to be true ?
Vain lunatic, against these 'scapes I could
            Dispute, and conquer, if I would ;
            Which I abstain to do,
For by to-morrow I may think so too.


3) Negative love
I NEVER stoop'd so low, as they
Which on an eye, cheek, lip, can prey ;
    Seldom to them which soar no higher
    Than virtue, or the mind to admire.
For sense and understanding may
    Know what gives fuel to their fire ;
My love, though silly, is more brave ;
For may I miss, whene'er I crave,
If I know yet what I would have.
If that be simply perfectest,
Which can by no way be express'd
    But negatives, my love is so.
    To all, which all love, I say no.
If any who deciphers best,
    What we know not—ourselves—can know,
Let him teach me that nothing. This
As yet my ease and comfort is,
Though I speed not, I cannot miss.



edgar allan poe

slyvia plath ;
1) FIRESONG.
Born green we were to this flawed garden, but in speckled thickets, warted as a toad, spitefully skulks our warden, fixing his snare which hauls down buck, cock, trout, till all most fair is tricked to faulter in split blood. Now our whole task's to hack some angel-shape worth wearing from his crabbed midden where all's wrought so awry that no straight inquiring could unlock shrewd catch silting our each bright act back to unmade mud cloaked by sour sky. Sweet salts warped stem of weeds we tackle towards way's rank ending; scorched by red sun we heft globed flint, racked in veins' barbed bindings; brave love, dream not of staunching such strict flame, but come, lean to my wound; burn on, burn on


2 )CHILDLESS WOMAN
The womb
Rattles its pod, the moon Discharges itself from the tree with nowhere to go. My landscape is a hand with no lines, The roads bunched to a knot, The knot myself, Myself the rose you acheive--- This body, This ivory Ungodly as a child's shriek. Spiderlike, I spin mirrors, Loyal to my image, Uttering nothing but blood--- Taste it, dark red! And my forest My funeral, And this hill and this Gleaming with the mouths of corpses.

3) Crossing the water

 

Black lake, black boat, two black, cut-paper people. Where do the black trees go that drink here? Their shadows must cover Canada. A little light is filtering from the water flowers. Their leaves do not wish us to hurry: They are round and flat and full of dark advice. Cold worlds shake from the oar. The spirit of blackness is in us, it is in the fishes. A snag is lifting a valedictory, pale hand; Stars open among the lilies. Are you not blinded by such expressionless sirens? This is the silence of astounded souls.

4) Dark Wood, Dark Water

This wood burns a dark Incense. Pale moss drips In elbow-scarves, beards From the archaic Bones of the great trees. Blue mists move over A lake thick with fish. Snails scroll the border Of the glazed water With coils of ram's-horn. Out in the open Down there the late year Hammers her rare and Various metals. Old pewter roots twist Up from the jet-backed Mirror of water And while the air's clear Hourglass sifts a Drift of goldpieces Bright waterlights are Sliding their quoits one After the other Down boles of the fir.

walt whitman
thomas hardy
maya angelou

thanks a lot asshole. :)

i thank you so much for doing this to me.
i hope you're happy with what you did
i know that you did not have any intend to do me like this but you did.

because of you i had to struggle with my finals
because of you i failed few of my papers
because of you i did not get a chance to graduate with my batch
because of you  i got laughed at for not taking all the subject that i should.

but its okay, i will get through all this hardness but as for you, you're not.
i'm not brag or whatsoever, it just i hate you so much because i trusted you. i make my friends feel that education is not everything as well as money but you! you changed my mind bout this. thanks A LOT because you make me to become one person i do not want to be which is materialistic.

now i really think that without money, love will not grow and plus life gonna be like living in hell.
money is everything. education is everything. by working part timers over at  petrol station is not gonna make you rich dear. i pity you and you fiancee.

eventhough you are engaged but i don't think you would be the person she wanted to but oh i forgot, she's a kampung girl so she's desperate for love and do not think very wisely anyway.
well congrats to both of you and sorry i must say i pity you two. it just a very sad thing to imagine your life with that kampung girl. i just disgusted with you and her. eww.

thanks a lot for making me miserable for the last year. thanks for wasting my time with you.\

bodoh punye gigi terabur!

fuck all those memories. ;)

ignore all the older post. it was a fucking bad memories which i had with mamat bodoh sial tu.
WEHHHHHHHH MACAM PUKIMAK JANTAN TU WEH!


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU MUHAMAAD ZAM ZAHUREN!

BODOH LIKE PIG. SIAL!

okay aku nak mengamuk. jantan tuh mmg pukimak pun weh! tapi nak buat macam mane. benda dah jadi.
lagipun bukan aku yg rugi. si jantan sial tu yg rugi. hello i'm going to be a successful lawyer one day and you? you are still gonna stuck at that fucking petrol station.

itu lah bezanye standard lelaki tak belajar dengan perempuan belajar. alahai weh gaji kau pun takkan mampu la nak tanggung aku. setakat 700,800 sebulan boleh tanggung aku? no way mo fo idiot! setakat perempuan kampung tu tak payah la weh. desperate for love sebab tak laku. weh sial sekarang ni mungkin kau x rasa sbb mak kau still tanggung kau bodoh. cuba mak kau dah tak ada kau nak cari celah mane weh? bodoh sial kau ni.

takpelah weh aku harap kau bahagia. but don't worry Allah itu Maha Adil. akan ada balasan untuk kau sebab aku buat macam ni. bodoh!

:)